This post appeared in a previously separate section of my website. I have merged my two blogs and am posting this as I felt it was a powerful read that I didn't want to lose.
How many of you could, if you wanted to, go out and take a run right now? I mean physically could do it. Might not be easy but you'd get it done. How many of you actually do run? How many of you realize what a gift you have in the ability to run? Do you realize, or understand, that ability you have-that most of you don't use, is an ability that thousands upon thousands pray for, hope for, beg for. Thousands of parents will cry because their child can't run with their friends. Thousands of adults will shed tears because they want nothing more than to get up and run, hell they'd give anything to get up and walk. It, frankly, pisses me off to see such ambivalence, such disregard for a gift! It's a gift that you can move those limbs of yours! That you can breathe all the air you want! Use it! Use it, use it, use it! For someone else is praying for exactly what you have.
I've been there. I'm there. I want to be a runner so badly and yet my body fails me. My airway screams in pain upon that much exertion and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I gasp after 10 seconds of a slow jog as though I've just completed a 100 yard dash at Olympic speeds. I take to the ground, covered in snow and ice, forcing my legs to keep going and hot, salty tears escape my eyes as I realize that my mind is stronger than my body. For what I imagine myself doing, for what I crave to experience, my body won't allow. Traitor.
I feel weak.
I push on. I turn from being ambitious in hoping for a slow jog to being proud that I'm out there walking. I stop and have to pace next to a tree, leaning over and gasping for the cold, snowflake filled air. My migraine sets in and my temples pound from the lack of oxygen I'm forcing them to have. I tell myself to remember to ask my doctor if I should worry about the intense searing pain I get in my temples whenever I don't have enough air. I keep going, I've just got to make it home.
My legs burn, my eyes burn and my airway feels tight and sore. But I made it. I just walked a mile and I did it in under twenty minutes.
To those of us who can't breathe, who can't run, keep trying. Don't let you're body win. It gets better from here.